Alicia M.
(Alias "The Doll")

Alicia has long been infected with the idea of improving the way of life of all humanity. It has been her life long goal. Even when she was a small child, one could see in her the tendency to improve the lot of mankind. She always took extremely good care of her 4,673 dolls, thus getting in practice for her future roll as the benefactor of our very way of life.

She showed her true gracious nature in her Creative Expressions class, that very same class taught by the Legendary Mr. Christopherson. Many were the times that she was able to set an errant student straight with a firm command, "Watch it, stupid," followed by a stout crack across the side of the head with a two by four.

The Legendary Mr. Christopherson often tells the story about how Alicia used to share her considerable knowledge of foreign languages with the group, in order to raise their level of consciousness. She could often be heard saying, "Gantz Gut, du Schweinhund!" (Very Good, you Pig Dog), or "Schliessen sie, Dumkopf!" (Shut up, Dumb head).

After she had graduated from Oxford University, England, where she made a fine name for herself as a humanitarian by touring the country with her entire doll collection, now numbering 5,112, Alicia made her first great discovery. A human being is cleaner after taking a bath! This idea struck her like lightning while she was lying in a tub one hot day.

Alicia was soon on the march throughout jolly ol' England putting up those now famous "Man-In-A-Tub" posters everywhere. Her crusade was to get humanity to clean itself up. Her ideas were met with great favor in most areas of the world, the exception being those arid, desert regions where water is scarce. "In that case," she responded logically, "let them use beer." And soon, with her encouragement, "Bath-Beer" became a standard item sold in stores around the world, even where water was not at a premium.

She next went on an exercise kick which resulted in "Man-On-A-Walk" posters springing up everywhere. She soon had the whole civilized world walking. Single handedly she was responsible for putting seventy-five car manufacturers world wide out of business.

And Alicia is still at it today! Her current projects involves teaching mankind how to fly (that is, without an external aid of any sort). Her "Flying-Man" posters have met with the usual great success. It was announced just last week that Alicia actually had one of her students flying unassisted at the incredible speed of 259 miles per hour! Of course, this was straight down, since the man had fallen out of the airplane. Though he valiantly flapped his arms rapidly, as Alicia had instructed, he nevertheless impacted directly into the ground at the full 259 mph. Alicia admits to a few bug in her flying techniques, but expects to have a happy mankind flying horizontally (rather than vertically) soon.