Carolyn W.
(Alias "Swamp Thing")

One would never guess, looking at Ms. Carolyn, that she is a fanatical supporter of any thing that swims.  However, such is the case. Doctor Carolyn (or rather we should say, Doctors Carolyn, since she holds thirty‑nine Doctor's Degrees from just about every famous university in the world) has just put the finishing touches on her latest book, Sink and Swim: How To Do It, (Plummet Publishing, 2002). This book is destined to become a landmark in the literature about swimming things.

As a young girl, fresh out of the inspired Creative Expressions class taught by the Legendary Mr. Christopherson, Carolyn happened to walk past her local Parkland swamp one sunny afternoon. She glanced down into the murky water and was thrilled to see a group of large, black tadpoles gulping their way along the surface.

The young girl became intrigued by the wriggling motion which propelled these fat little things through the water. So she hurried back to school to ask the Legendary Mr. Christopherson about this, since he tended to be the fount of all knowledge in the Parkland area (and some say, with good reason, a much larger area than that, for heaven’s sake). Quickly, with­out even resorting to any reference book on the subject whatsoever, the Legendary Mr. Christopherson informed her that the wiggling motion was called "swimming."

Armed with this new information, young Carolyn ran back to the swamp and, set­ting up a small tent, lived there for the next three weeks, watching the tadpoles swim. And then a catfish wiggled by, or as Carolyn would now have put it, swam by. With an insight that appears to us as totally uncanny, this bright child immediately concluded that other creatures could swim too. And not only that, she even was able to perform the mental leap which led her to conclude that such creatures needed to be under water to swim successfully.

A whole new life opened up for young Carolyn W. She could often be found, back in those days, down in the swamp, actually swimming right alongside her favorite little creatures. Soon she expanded her horizons beyond the Parkland swamp and could be found swimming in area lakes, streams, and even in Puget Sound‑-wherever her wob­bly‑moving little friends could be found.

She earned her Master's Degree and her first Doctor's Degree at the University of Washington, in their Wiggle‑Wart Department (which encompassed exactly the very swim­ming kinds of creatures that Ms. Carolyn loved so). She is likely to be the only woman who can honestly say she has swum in nearly every swamp in the world. No one presently can come close to her record in this, and probably no one ever will.

These days Drs. Carolyn spends most of her time working at her own home along the Pacific Ocean’s coast. She has managed to have on hand various specimens which she keeps in her own private swimming pool. The pool is divided into many sections: ocean, fresh‑water, tropical, lake, and of course, her first love, swamp. Her swimming friends range in size from tiny tropical fish to a seventy‑five foot long Wright's whale.

And even though she has reached the level of expert in her chosen field, she still finds the need to consult occasionally with the Legendary Mr. Christopherson, who always generously finds the time to help out any of his thousands, perhaps millions, of successful former students.