Jeff R.
(Alias “Sir Jeffrey”)

Have you noticed the great changes in bicycle design of late. Chances are that you have. Most people have, but at the same time don't realize these fantastic changes are the result of the far‑reaching visionary mind of Jeffrey R. For his outstanding achievement in the area of human powered locomotion, the British government has awarded him one of their highest honors, Knight of the Realm, allowing him to claim the title “Sir Jeffrey.”

We speak in particular of the incredible fourteen‑wheel cycle (the great quadra-deca-cycle) which has become so popular with the pedaling public recently: Surely everyone has seen one of these complex machines on the streets of our cities. Who among us has not immediately, upon catching sight of the "Jeffrey‑14W," not said to themselves, “I just have to have one of those!”?

Allow us to explore the background, in fact the teen years, of Sir Jeffrey in order to understand where his unique approach to bicycles came from. As it happens with so many of our bright young engineers, Sir Jeffrey's creativity was immensely stimulated in a middle school class called Creative Expressions, taught by the Legendary Mr. Christopherson. It seems that the youngster caught sight of a science lab paper dealing with crayfish. The paper happened to be left lying on the great teacher’s desk since the Creative Expressions classroom was also a science room at other times of the day. (It should be noted, though probably everyone must know this already, that the Legendary Mr. Christopherson is quite capable of doing his outstanding brand of teaching in way too many subjects to mention here. Suffice it to say, science is one of them.)

The young Jeffrey soon spotted one crayfish characteristic with which he became obsessed. As he is reported to have said, "These stupid, creepy little monstrosities have jointed legs that can bend in different directions at each joint! Just think about that! They can go in different directions but still face forward!"

Friends of Sir Jeffrey during these younger years tell us that, right then and there, his quite considerable imagination went to work on the problem of making a bicycle go in any direction while still facing forward. The full measure of his success is the model 14W!

Though a great deal of secrecy surrounds the actual details of the development of the 14W, a few facts are known: (1) the quadra-deca-cycle was designed and tested in England; (2) there were some failures before the final model was perfected; and (3) telescopic observation and satellite photographs of the Jeffrey Works Design Labs reveal half a dozen large pools full of crayfish. Let us speculate on these three points for a moment.

1. England does have a larger cycling populous per capita than the US and Jeffrey might rightly have expected greater support for his ideas there. Such certainly has proved to be the case. Knighthood was bestowed upon him by a grateful British government which had always wanted to be able to back‑pedal while appearing to be going forward.
    

2. It is not a surprise that such a complex vehicle would not be brought forth in the very first try. There are stories (not verified) of some ghastly accidents. One such persistent story claims that a young man whose job it was to test the latest version of the multidirectional bike got his pant‑leg caught in one or another of the 37 chains that were required to propel the machine. (Current models of the 14W use only 28 chains, one of the obvious improve­ments brought about by the constant attention to perfection which characterizes all Jeffery vehicles.) The unfor­tunate man is said to have been more or less chewed into approximately one hundred nineteen odd sized chunks before the bike had come to a stop, effectively putting an end to the trial run.
    

3. It is assumed by Sir Jeffrey's admirers that the crayfish pools were used by the great engineer as objects of inspiration and reflection‑‑the crayfish being the animal that began his multidirectional-seeking life, as it were. On the other hand, a few of his jealous rivals have suggested that the crayfish were merely a source of food which accom­panied the many cases of ale seen to be shipped in regularly. The sound of loud, drunken(?) parties could be heard coming from the test lab at night, according to some unimpressed local residents.

Regardless of the truth of these speculations, the fact remains: the greatest advance mankind has seen in the cycle arena is the result of one young genius. Our hats are off to you Sir Jeffrey R. and we look forward with great expectation to your recently announced next mechanical marvel, the motorized, 14-prong, pogo stick!