Jessie C.
(Alias “Dr. E-E-N”) 

"You just never know where you can get to, starting from rather plain beginnings," stated the now ultra‑famous Dr. Jessie C. while speaking to a group of doctors and technicians at the recent symposium for her "Seeing Is Believing ‑ Light Is Beautiful" group, otherwise known as SIBLIB. All those in attendance paid close attention to Dr. Jessie, since it was her genius that led to the discovery of the incredible E‑E‑N gun. A member of the audience asked her how she could have ever thought of the now widely used gun. It was a question which caused her to reminisce back to her early teen years. It seemed the entire group held its collective breath as the story unfolded.

Dr. E-E-N chuckled as she said, "It actually started with a 'Dumb‑Blond‑Joke' which I told in my Creative Expressions class, taught by the Legendary Mr. Christopherson." There was a great, audible intake of breath at the name 'Christopherson,' since there could not possibly be a single person in that illustrious crowd who had not encountered the well known, legendary teacher in one way or another during the growth of his/her own career.

"At first it seemed such a silly joke," she remembered, "where you ask, 'How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle?' And the answer is, 'Shine a flashlight in through one ear.’ "

The hall rippled with polite, respectful laughter; as it happened, approximately two thirds of those in atten­dance that evening were of the blond persuasion. On the other hand, one bald gentleman began roaring so hard with laughter he had to be escorted from the room, followed by the angry glare of two thirds of the audience.

"But you see," Dr. Jessie went on, "I just couldn't stop thinking about that joke. Over the next few years, I began to wonder just what would happen when you shine a flashlight into someone's ear."

Amid a hush of anticipation she continued. "So I actually tried it one day and found that, blond or otherwise, light just didn't seem to go into a person's ear and then shine out through their eyes." The audience gasped at this revelation.

"Well, as most of you will see, I finally realized what was wrong. I needed a stronger light--a much stronger and more powerful light!" The room filled with applause as the doctor's solution to her problem hit them. Of course, a stronger light would do it, they all now understood. It is said that it takes a real genius to think up such original ideas, but once done, anyone of lesser intelligence can grasp them, often with the exclamation of, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Dr. Jessie quickly discussed her years of experimenting with more and more powerful lights until finally she arrived at the use of a laser. To make a long, though not at all boring, story short, she at last had the light source she had been looking for. A close acquaintance, (and former student of the Legendary Mr. Christopherson, by the way), provided her research team with the latest military laser technology. This quickly led to her many breakthroughs in research, (or as the team more aptly put it, burnthroughs).

The E‑E‑N (Eyes‑Ears‑Nose) gun is the result. Dr. C. has shown that using her E‑E‑N gun an expert can almost instantly calculate the FIQ (Former Intelligence Quotient) of any human subject. (FIQ is equal numerically to IQ, the Intelligence Quotient, and is related to the often much lower ATIQ, or After-Test Intelligence Quotient.) One shot in the ear leads to the sparkling eyes Dr. Jessie had been looking for. In fact, quite a blast of illumination emanates from the mouth, both nostrils, and the opposite ear as well.

It must be mentioned that, although the learned colleges of Dr. Jessie clapped loudly for her that evening, there seemed to be a certain reluctance on their part to have their own IQ's measured. This may be due to the fact that a significant amount of hearing, seeing, smelling, and thinking impairment can result from taking the test. None the less, the E-E-N IQ Test remains the mainstay of our modern educational system and is helping to measure the lower than desired mental level of recent high school graduates. (To his credit, the Legendary Mr. Christopherson, due to modesty, prefers not to accept any of the accolades afforded Dr. Jessie, stating categorically that all the attention should be aimed in the doctor’s direction.)