"Button, button, who's got the button?" could very well be the expression that characterizes Mr. Jeremy S. best. There is simply no other person in the world that can come close to Jeremy's expertise when it comes to buttons. (We need to mention here, for those very few who somehow have never heard of any of the incredible "Jeremy-Jab" incidents, that we refer to any and all buttons that can be pushed, rather than the kind that are used to button things up, as in clothing. However, it should also be mentioned that Jeremy does involve himself with these other kinds of buttons as well. He sews a new button on his coat to commemorate his every press of a button of a significant nature.)

Indeed, the world over, wherever important pushable buttons exist, sooner or later you may be assured that said buttons will be subjected to the “Jeremy-Jab,” as it has come to be called (the name appears to have been coined by the Legendary Mr. Christopherson one day when young Jeremy, yet another veteran of that inspired Creative Expressions class of winter 1993-4, and highly prized student, with a lightning fast jab of the finger, pressed the rewind button on the school's $54,000 film projector while it was in forward mode, causing a loud wrenching sound as its precision gears were stripped). The "jab" consists of one mighty, swift stabbing motion, bringing the right index finger (Jeremy's preferred digit) solidly in contact with the upper surface of the button causing it (the button) to pop in immediately. The very successful Jab technique involves his lurking near a person or group of people about to press one or more buttons. Just as the button is about to be pressed, the disguised Jeremy S. (naturally, dis­guises have become necessary to assure a close enough approach to the target button(s)) lurches in and applies the “Jeremy Jab,” allowing him to add yet another button button to his coat.

Nary a day goes by wherein we don't hear of yet another "Jeremy-Jab" occurrence, indeed, often there may be as many as twenty or thirty such reports in the news (Jeremy, it must be noted, is a frequent flier and travels a great deal). TV news tends to be full of such reports, and they are usually placed in their own special section, "TBN," "The Button News," not to be confused with "Trinity Broadcasting Netcast" which claims that buttons lack the spiritual nature required for coverage by them, unless of course, the buttons happened to come in three's, thereby acquiring an obvious spiritual connotation. (In­deed, Pat R., a leading evangelical spokesperson, has come under the button influence to a certain degree, announcing that he is preparing a new "must‑have," heavenly inspired paperback book entitled, Blessed Buttons, Bad Buttons, and the Bible: What Every Born‑Again Button‑Pusher Needs To Know. In this dramatic work, Pastor R. attempts to show that, while some may be safe to touch, the devil lurks behind certain other buttons and they must be avoided since one's very soul is at stake. This book is, as is the case with all other such inspirational materials, totally free so long as one sends along a small, tax deductible love gift of at least $24.95, including shipping and handling.)

Jeremy button reports are perhaps no longer considered the front page news they once were (except in certain cases‑‑see following paragraphs), but are still way up there in terms of the public's interest‑-right alongside UFO reports, presidential affairs (that is matters that concern the President of the US and his government dealings, not extramarital affairs which, of course, rate front page, top priority coverage), and dental hygiene. On the other hand, consider these two examples that did make it to the front pages of recent issues of Mr. S.'s own home town newspaper the "TNT," ("Tacoma News Tribune,” not to be confused with “(T)ri (N)itro (T)oluene,” the explosive; the former being said by some not to be worth the amount of the latter to blow it up with):
 

• As crowds were gathered at the now defunct B&I shopping center to witness the release of Ivan the Gorilla from the cage he'd been in continually for many years, the decision having been made to transport the large primate to a zoo where he would presumable enjoy life more locked up there than here, and just as the button was about to be pushed which would open the cage door electronically, an oversized banana (Jeremy in disguise) reached in and hit the button just a bit prematurely, allowing Ivan free access to the whole spectator area. Ivan's attention was drawn to the huge banana (Jeremy) which was beating a hasty retreat toward the exit, and the sight evidently triggered in him a huge hunger. The gorilla quickly caught up with the slower moving banana, grabbed it, and while holding it upside down, began peeling it, to Jeremy's acute embarrassment. Fortunately, the now laid  bare to his undergarments, Jeremy made a very unappetizing looking banana and Ivan dropped him, having spotted the B&I owner also heading for the exit at top speed, and hurried off to have a little chat with him concerning the long pent‑up emotions resulting from the long pent‑up gorilla.
   
• World War III was narrowly averted last month when Jeremy, disguised as a minicomputer system (complete with 21-­inch color monitor, keyboard, mouse, three tape storage units, and band printer) worked himself into the North American Defense Command center at McChord AFB, Tacoma, Washington, and, faced with hundreds of buttons to chose from, per­formed the “Jeremy-Jab” upon some three dozen of them. As sirens were sounding, jets were taking off, bombers were armed and launched toward fail-safe points, and missiles were armed in silos all over the country, Jeremy escaped detection by sloughing off his minicomputer disguise in favor of the small jet aircraft disguise worn under it. Then later, after sitting on an unused runway for a time as things quieted down, he switched to yet a third disguise‑-that of an officer of the US Navy, which got him ejected rapidly from the Air Force base. He refers to that button button on his famous coat as his navel button.

Finally, it must be said that we all owe the Legendary Mr. Christopherson high praise for recognizing and encouraging the young Jeremy and helping him button down his future at such an early age.