Have you ever wondered about bubbles? Actually quite a few people have according to the 1994 national government supported survey con­ducted at the minimal cost of $1,533,220. When challenged to justify this expenditure the government demonstrated through the use of forty to fifty thousand well designed charts and graphs that the study was valuable to them since there appeared to be some kind of tenuous relationship between people who thought about bubbles and those people who tended to support the Democratic Party (no doubt giving rise to the famous, though often misunderstood, remark by then President Clinton to his special advisors, “Are You‑All trah-in’ to tell me that our grassroots support is coming from a bunch of Bubble‑Heads?”).

What does this have to do with Dr. Nicole B.? A fair question. Most people, unless they are members of the very exclusive group of chemists, energy scientists, or archeologists who study ancient cultures, have never heard of Dr. Nicole B., but that situation is absolutely about to change forever. We feet exceptionally fortunate to have been able to interview this soon‑to‑be famous scientist, and have been given permission to reveal to the world the main thrust of her new theory, which is likely to upset the entire basis of current thinking in the field of archeology (more about this later). An additional very great word of thanks must also go to the Legendary Mr. Christopherson, for his exception­ally interesting and poignant collection of memoirs relating to that fantastic Creative Expressions class of winter 1993-4, and specifically, to young Nicole, giving us a informative look into the character of this gifted person as a youngster back in middle school. (Incidentally, it certainly is worth reminding everyone of the fact that the Legendary Mr. Christopherson is held in the highest regard by virtually every archeological assemblage in the world, having contributed to human‑kind's knowledge of our backgrounds by digging into almost everyone's past.)

Starting from a bubbleless background (except for a somewhat greater than normal attraction to bubble gum, wherein she could often be found to chew up to thirty‑eight pieces simultaneously), the young Nicole experienced her first formal introduction to bubbles (soap in this case) when she was told about a very curious event which, according to the Legendary Mr. Christopherson, occurred on an island in the Caribbean Sea, not far from Florida. It seems that a brilliant professor, Dr. Staghorn, while experimenting with the various surface tension effects generated by soap films, opened up a door to another dimension, allowing human‑like creatures to enter our world. (although the Legendary Mr. Christopherson continues to claim this account was only science fiction meant to stimulate creativity in his students, Dr. B. maintains that the great teacher, calling himself Dr. Staghorn as an alias, had discovered the multidimensional‑soap process himself and is now magnanimously allow­ing her to take credit for it, having amassed enough honors and awards already to satisfy himself).

Regardless of the origin of the process, there is no doubt that Dr. B. has not only succeeded in duplicating the soap­door effect, but has carried the concept on to greater complexity and understanding. This quest for the truth began after hearing the account given by the Legendary Mr. Christopherson. She began building wire frames on which to hang soap films, and designed ways that would produce greater than normal tension in the soap. Her prune‑like, wrinkled, though exception­ally clean, fingers deftly manipulated soap and wire until one day she successfully opened a doorway to an adjacent universe. Unfortunately, only empty space existed on the other side of that first door, causing an incredible pressure difference between the two worlds. Luckily, the neighbor's dog, Bumple, happened to be visiting at the time and was partly sucked into the doorway, through which a growing tornado of air was being pushed, blocking it until young Nicole could pop the rest of the film in such a way that the door was closed again. (She was never quite able to satisfactorily explain to the neighbors how Bumple's rear‑end and tail became totally hairless and why the dog thereafter went into a panic of howling whenever the family vacuum cleaner was turned on.)

From that first partial success, as she progressed through high school and college studying chemistry and physics, Dr. B. refined her technique until at last she could open doorways which looked out upon other Earth‑like worlds. Unfortu­nately, unlike the characters in the original story told by her legendary middle school teacher, she was unable to get the soap film (owing to the realities of soap in our world) large enough for people to actually go through. (On the other hand, she did send many a mouse, frog, and fly off as our first ambassadors to these other worlds.)

This disappointment did not slow her down, however. She now turned to the field of archeology where she will really make her mark in history (as alluded to above). While traveling in Egypt she happened upon a curious drawing painted on the wall of a tomb deep within a recently excavated pyramid. The picture showed an ancient Egyptian priest looking through some sort of bubble material at what appeared to be a Mayan temple in Central America. She immediately hit upon the theory that the ancient Egyptians and Mayans traveled between continents using the surface tension doorways she had experimented with, and that, unless these ancient people were much smaller than we think they were, they must have known of some material with soap‑like surface tension that would make much larger doorways.

So there you have it. Having kept her discoveries secret up to now, in her soon‑to‑be‑released book, Dr. Nicole B. tells it all and tries to explain the origin of human life on Earth by theorizing that we came through bubble doorways from other planets, and that with this common bubblish background, it is only natural for the common man to be a Democrat. Her current thinking suggests that Republican‑minded people were probably the humans native to this planet, having been evolved from apes by the usual monkey's uncle approach.