“To swim, or not to swim," that was the question facing Ronald B. as a youngster in middle school. He had evidently already decided at this relatively early age that he might want to aim his future toward marine biology, a field that as it happened, the Legendary Mr. Christopherson was quite knowledgeable in, having become one of the most acknowledged world‑class experts on ocean life and in fact the only intellectual to have done concentrated studies on whale hair (the startling details of this study will be published soon with the expected result of changing humanity's outlook toward the whole of mammalian sea life). Thus it was an auspicious chain of circumstances that placed young Ronald in the great teacher's Creative Expressions class that wonderful winter of 1993-4.

The problem for young Ronald was that he also liked stamp collecting, his growing collection having already accumulated to some 1,179,472 stamps from all over the world and presently filled a few thousand albums, as well as playing the drums, yet another well‑developed ability of this talented young man. At the urging of the great teacher, young Ronald decided that his best bet would be to attempt to combine his three interests into one fantastic future career. As we all know, Dr. B. has managed to combine his love of the sea and its creatures with his passion for stamps in a rather unique way (see below). As for the drums, well, he has kept them as a hobby, pounding up a sweat with them whenever he needs to relax, or as he says, "To get away from it all."

Of course, his attention was distracted from his goal occasionally in those early years. One such incident, worthy of mention, caused the now famous Parkland Black‑Out of 1995. Few realize that this area‑wide loss of electrical power was caused when young Ronald got the idea that electrical appliances were missing out on the fun induced by being able to go swimming. So, gathering a large group of friends of similar mental abilities, he organized a Parkland Pool Party wherein electrical machinery of all sorts (radios, TV's, sewing machines, refrigerators, stoves, and so forth) were placed at the edges of swimming pools throughout the area, connected to Parkland Light by large, long extension cords (as young Ronald explained it later that darker than usual night, "Unplugged appliances were dead appliances and in no condition to enjoy a quick swim in a pool"), and were then playfully pushed into the water. No one really knows whether the electrical machines enjoyed their plunge to the bottom of the pools (most being too heavy to swim effectively) since human kind has yet to develop a practical means of communication with them, however, Dr. B. still states confidently today that he feels certain that those appliances that survived, after their cleaning, repair, and complete water‑damage overhaul, retained a great feeling of gratitude toward him for his attempt to expand their limited horizons to include swimming.

It was during his senior year at the University of Washington, where he majored in marine biology, with a special emphasis on swimming creatures, that Mr. B. wrote his famous 23,045 page paper which concluded that only animals with tails could swim (not counting humans, who didn't count as underwater animals, or those forgettable other creatures with webbed feet). He made an even greater name for himself as an open‑minded scientist by later admitting that he was wrong, this new conclusion having been arrived at after a close encounter with a 53 foot octopus off the Washington coast. The famous scientist, when questioned about his fresh point of view, uncovers the still remaining large suction cup impressions on his rump and simply smiles sheepishly.

After earning his doctor's degree from the university, Ronald began his quest to combine his love of the sea with his consum­ing interest in stamps. It is a rare thing when a human being comes up with a truly original concept. So much so, that when such an event occurs, one can only stand back in awe and watch in wide‑eyed wonder as the genius who created the concept gives birth to it so that the rest of us may marvel at its uniqueness. We refer here, of course, to the incredible undersea postal system instituted by Dr. B. several years ago, which now operates worldwide, allowing underwater creatures to communicate by mail quickly and effectually. Certainly the denizens of the deep have taken to the B‑Buoy system (called such due to the use of the special surface‑floating post office buoys scattered throughout the oceans, offering quick access for the mailing of letters) so completely that few of them could even imagine getting along without it these days.

There is no doubt that the B‑Buoy system was difficult to set up. The development of water‑proof paper and ink, as well as a special glue for underwater stamps, were huge challenges in themselves. However, the largest problem, according to Dr. B. himself, was that of teaching underwater creatures to read and write English (the doctor decided that if English were to become the language of the seas, we in the US could benefit directly by developing fishy pen‑pals using a common lingo, not to mention the incredible advantage we would have when it comes to underwater commerce). Dr. B.'s genius showed itself numerous times as solutions to seemingly insurmountable problems would surface. One example which was quickly pointed out to the famous biologist was that of providing a way for fish to write down their messages, since fins did not lend themselves well for grasping the indelible pencils developed for them. The doctor's solution was to employ squadrons of squids and octopuses which, after extensive and exhaustive training, were capable of taking up to eight to ten dictations simultaneously. Many of us remember those amazing photos of fishes and other marine animals all queued up waiting for the next available octopus. Stenographer is now one of the most highly sought after and highly paid jobs your well qualified squid or octopus can aspire to.

Needless to say, we all owe Dr. Ronald B. a great debt of gratitude for his incredible vision which has led to the underwater postal service for which he has become famous.