Seth W.

Even as a young tike, riding around the Parkland neighborhood on his trike, little Seth had gained the reputation of being a tough kid, someone to avoid, nobody to mess around with. He could often be seen, pedaling furiously on his tiny three‑wheeler, little legs pumping frantically, as he busied himself with clearing the area of unwanted visitors. Pity the poor door‑to‑door sales‑men who had not been informed of the Seth danger zone and blundered in unwittingly, to be quickly and unceremoniously chased out by a few well aimed bursts of fire from little Seth's handle‑bar mounted, sawed‑off auto­matic rifle. There wasn't a dog in Parkland willing to run the risk of losing legs, or at the very least, lots of fur, by chasing him and being forced to tangle with the rapidly rotating, razor‑sharp blades attached to his trike's wheels. Both taxis and police patrol cars avoided the area too, having accumulated their share of dents and scrapes from collisions with young Seth's front end battering ram. Only emergency aid and fire oriented vehicles were allowed to pass unharmed, although they did have to provide documented evidence, proving a need to drive through the area.

When young Seth entered elementary school he had upgraded to a heavy­duty bicycle, which owing to its larger frame, could mount heavier weaponry. Along with his previous armaments, transferred over to the new vehicle, his inline 35-millimeter artillery cannon provided a real deterrent to interlopers in the Parkland region. The two‑wheeler also gave him greater range and flexibility, permitting him to cover more territory effectively. Word soon spread that any motor vehicle entering the area had better have its anti‑pollution devices operating correctly, otherwise it would leave the area peppered full of 35-millimeter holes, fired in such a way as to spell out the message, "Clean Me Up!”

And then, a few years later, young Seth enrolled in that fabulous Creative Expressions class taught by one of the world's greatest experts on weapons, the Legendary (and when necessary, very dangerous) Mr. Christopherson. This wondrous teacher was quite impressed by young Seth's current vehicle, a further up‑graded version of the elementary school bicycle, which now sported a computerized machine gun and half‑inch thick armor‑plating, which assured that any drive‑by shooting in which he became involved would be pretty much one‑sided. The two became well acquainted during this middle school time and the ground‑works were laid for their life‑long friendship, sharing, as it were, similar points of view about violence, vigilance, and law and order.

During his high school years, keeping in touch faithfully with the Legendary Mr. Christopherson, and often drawing upon the great teacher's wisdom, advice, and resources, young Seth received his driver's license and quickly up‑graded ve­hicles again, this time selecting a large‑framed Cadillac on which he promptly installed all previous weapons and armor plating, and now adding bullet‑proof glass. To give the car added mass and power, he built in an impressive engine from a diesel locomotive. For additional fire power, computerized machine gun roof turrets and rear‑firing grenade launchers were added. Evil‑doers quickly came to fear this justice‑seeking young man as he roared about the neighborhood righting all sorts of wrongs. Enrolling in Air Force ROTC in the high school, young Seth began to see the advantages of heavily armed aircraft and began making plans in that direction.

After high school, and at the urging and recommendation of the Legendary Mr. Christopherson, Mr. W. joined the US military, entering the Air Force Academy in Colorado where he got plenty of practice strafing and bombing trees and hillsides, as well as acquiring a good working knowledge of military matters. And then, upon graduation with full military honors, this accomplished young officer was called upon for his first serious assignment. Major Seth W. was sent to the mountains of Ecuador to help control an outbreak of fighting between native Ecuadorians and an accidentally mutated intel­ligent hoard of crocodiles which were invading the country's eastern borders and had already succeeded in taking control of most of the government through intimidation. Using his superior military training, he soon had the crocodiles on the run, or waddle as it were, chasing them back across the border.

A grateful country then elected Major W. to be their president, upon which he promptly declared a national emergency and appointed himself General W., Dictator of Ecuador. This act of his angered the United Nations so much that they decided to send in forces to restore the former haphazard government, misunderstanding that the people of Ecuador were quite comfortable having a strong leader and didn't wish to lose him.

The resulting conflict was terrible to behold and involved the world's first use of highly trained animals and various mutated life‑forms, such as the famous General B. guinea pig army, drugged parrots, witch doctors, and vegetating humans. Fortunately, this dreadful struggle came to an end when both sides realized the futility of fighting over one of the smallest and poorest South American countries.

So now, General W., or Sethio Ulliam Sonio, as his grateful people call him, has settled down to a long, produc­tive period of peace during which, upon the clever advice given him by his former teacher, the Legendary Mr. Christopherson, he has begun the terraforming of his country, using twenty‑three million bulldozers to level all of the mountains, including Mount Cotopaxi, formerly the world's tallest volcano (and now the world's flattest one), in order to build the world's largest airport with the expectation of gaining a monopoly on the world's air traffic.