What do you suppose it feels like to be the world’s richest woman? We wondered too, so we went to visit the super‑secluded, very, very wealthy Ms. Stefanie J. aboard one of her twelve multi‑million dollar yachts anchored in the Mediterranean just off the coast of France. We caught up with her in a free moment as she was relaxing, having just concluded a diamond buying trip to Antwerp. She freely admitted that this particular $250,000,000 worth of flawless diamonds were strictly for her own enjoyment, not for resale in one of her many jewelry stores around the world. When asked about the secret of her success, that is, where did the incredible fortune she has amassed come from, she just smiled mysteri­ously, shrugged her shoulders, and before dismissing us spoke one word with so much reverence that it sent shivers down our spines.

"Christopherson,'' she whispered with a wink of her eye.

Was it possible this fabulously wealthy young lady could be yet another of those most fortunate million and more people who had gotten their push toward success from the one and only Legendary Mr. Christopherson? Smelling a truly incredible story here, we rushed to the Parkland, Washington middle school where the great teacher still works daily, shoveling education down the throats of seventh and eighth grade students much as a momma birdie crams worms down the open beaks of her eager young ones. When asked about the enigmatic Ms. J., a warm look of remembrance crossed the great one's face. He leaned back in his large, comfortable swivel chair (which was a gift from an engineering genius and former student, and was equipped with all the comforts of home: back rest; head rest; arm rests; leg rests; color TV; non‑alcoholic wet bar; hot‑air popcorn popper; 2 cubic foot microwave oven; ample freezer and refrigerator; and even a cleverly hidden rest room with full facilities for those sudden emergencies that overtake us all occasionally), resting his long legs across his super‑sized, equally comfortable teacher's desk, and related the following amazing story. We reprint here portions of the actual interview:

L.Mr.C.: "It was clear to me from the very beginning," the great teacher began, "that young Stefanie had a good head on her shoulders. What was not nearly so clear was, owing to her thick, long hair, which flowed about her face and shoulders, did she have any kind of a neck at all? Well, I'm happy to report that one day a hefty gust of wind blew that heavy hair aside for a moment and by golly there it was, a regular neck all right! I mean, I had been theorizing about what else might be holding her head up there above her body, but had not been totally satisfied with my alternative answers."

Our Guy: "Uh, excuse me sir, we were asking about how Ms. J. became so rich."

L.Mr.C.: "What? Oh, yes, of course. Well, let's see now. I seem to remember one day approaching her desk as she sat there in such deep concentration that I couldn't resist making that famous statement, “A penny for your thoughts.” The clever youngster, glancing at my ears, answered, “Bug off, Dumbo!” and then held out her hand. I raised my eyebrows questioningly and she said, “Let's have that penny, Dumbo!” I had to laugh heartily as I paid her the penny, knowing her remarks were made in good humor, since my ears were only one or two sizes larger than normal and nothing at all like elephantine in scope.”

Our Guy: "You're saying that she got her monetary start by collecting that penny from you? That's pretty interesting. But isn't there something involving a bit larger sum of money that you could tell us about?"

L.Mr.C.: "Very well, then. We'll get right to the point. The secret of her success is that she can sell almost anything to anyone.” He reached into the depths of one of the drawers of that great desk of his and withdrew a small packet. He opened it to reveal a small clump of dirt with a few blades of dried grass blended in. "She sold this to me for $254,777.95 one day, explaining that it had come from the planet Mars and was thus almost priceless. Well of course, I snatched it up at such a bargain price, taking the money from the science department's petty cash box. Actually, I have never bothered to verify that it really comes from Mars, but I have no reason to doubt her word on that."

Our Guy: "So, she made quite a few sales of that sort, then? While still in middle school?"

L.Mr.C.: "Absolutely! The Legendary Mr. Parks, of mathematics fame, bought an original slide rule used by the famous Greek philosopher Plato himself for only $125,000. The legendary Mrs. Martin, English/French teacher of the ages, rising above her normal French tendencies, paid $65,999 twice for a matched set of the original 1968 editions of the Encyclopedia Britannica. The Legendary Mr. Fincham, scientist and well known man‑about‑plants, paid young Stefanie a hefty $500,000 for an ex­tremely rare living Carboniferous fern of the Paleozoic Era. The Legendary Mr. Hergert, of historical fame, paid the reason­able sum of $311,003.98 for an autographed original work by George Washington himself written in 1918. The Legendary Mr. Johnson plunked down $632,000 for a still working 1978 Apple II computer which had been owned by Steve Wozniak. The Legendary Ms. Hoban, honored Honors teacher, bought a slightly used drum set which had belonged to Nirvana for $962,000. Even the Extra‑Legendary Dr. Jackson, tell‑it‑like‑it‑is school principal, paid $275,000 for a bear trap and its accompanying certification stating that the trap had been used by Lewis and Clark on their famous trip across the US in the 1800's.”

And so, Dear Reader, I think we all get the idea here. Ms. J. has a real knack as a salesperson, the moral of this story being, hold onto your wallet or purse if you should happen to run into her!